Well, it’s been a while since my last entry. I have had a lot on my mind lately, but would like to talk about one or two particular things. When I look in the mirror these days I can’t seem to recognize myself and not in ways I would like to see myself at this point in my life. End of 2014 at my farewell party hosted by my old boss; we were talking about hair and I happened to mention that I was planning on shaving my head off. I told her my fears of how different I would look. She said “who cares!” you will be in a new city and you can be whoever you want” I thought yeah! good point.
How brilliant right, be who ever I want. So……. I planned big… I decided I was completely going to be myself and more, new people, new environment, fresh start, just a complete start over.
Diary, it has been a challenging new beginning. I have learned that I don’t take change very well. I’m struggling to adjust and have had a lot of disappointments and failures. Yes yes to many wonderful things that have happened too and that’s what I have held on to so dearly. I’m still grateful for the wonderful events, friends and family. They have laughed, advised as well as cried with me. I believe trials come with growth and that’s what helps me endure and has me curious as of what I need to learn from every situation. I also believe trials are a way to prepare us for the next venture in life. Knowing that surely doesn’t make it easy, but it makes me get up every time I fall. I’m getting tired and have no strength left, but I will soldier on. No situation is permanent.
Now, about being the new me and more to suddenly not recognizing myself in the mirror. I have changed and I know that, maybe people around me don’t know that because this is who I have become in the new city BUT I know. Yes there have been Ups and downs or it feels more like downs. The downs have taken a lot out of me and I eventually lost my momentum. Many times I have tried but my oh my, I said I quit the other day until I read this passage from a talk that was emailed to me by a dear friend.
“No matter how difficult something you or your loved one faces, it should not take over your life and be the center of your interest. Challenges are growth experiences, temporary scenes to be played out in the background of a pleasant life. Don’t become so absorbed in a single event that you can’t think of anything else or care for yourself or for those who depend on you.”-Elder Scott
This month I need new habits, I want to hold on to the wonderful things for they are many. Work and worry on what I can control. September is a special month for me. It is my birthday month and it is also the month we lost Dad. I can choose to mop around about it or embrace another year of wisdom and celebrate Dad by getting up and dusting myself off and shine hard.
I would like to start off this month with basics I best know how and I’m hopeful the rest will fall in place.
Now, where on earth are my running shoes and my scriptures?
I will be one ungrateful daughter if I didn’t thank Heavenly Father for his grace. I’m definitely grateful for the Lord’s grace in my life.
Cheers to what we can control and to a quick recovery after many hard falls on the face.